Random Things in Starcraft RTS
by Boom Tome
Summary: My very 1st post! Ever noticed all the weird lore that goes on in Starcraft? Let's explore, shall we? Chapter 3 is up!
1. The Almighty Zerg!

Hey guys and Welcome to _Random Things in Starcraft (RTS)_!

Since this is my very first post in this site, I thought I'll take things easy and start off with something simple first. Hope this will open your eyes to the weird and wonderful lore of _Starcraft_.

First up, the almighty Zerg!

**1.** Sometimes, two recently spawned Zerglings thinking that each other are their mirror reflections.

**2.** A Queen was wondering if Overlord Creep was tastier than Hatchery Creep. Both were equally disgusting.

**3.** Because the Zerg held the majority of properties on the map, they ousted the Protoss by winning a political landslide.

**4.** Infested Terrans are unlucky because they pleasure Kerrigan to their deaths. Infested Protoss are lucky because they pleasure Kerrigan all the damn time without dying and the Overlords had to complain at her lack of work, that's why they weren't in Starcraft 2.

**5.** If you listen to a Brood Lord and its Broodlings closely enough, you will hear many sounds of, "Daddy! Daddy!" "Are we there yet are-we-there-yet" "Me hungry Daddy" "Where's Mommy Daddy" "I want!" "Aarghgurrgoogoogagah!" "Are-we-dead-yet-are-we-dead-yet-"

**6.** Kerrigan thought of the name Roaches for the Roaches because her favourite _WALL-E_ character was the invincible roach.

**7. **The Infestors actually could've moved faster by rolling like the Banelings, but this evolution was scrapped because they couldn't control their momentum and started squishing Zerglings, Drones and Banelings, the Infestors could finally mind control flying units with Banelings however. The final straw was when one Infestor accidentally squished Kerrigan.

**8.** The Hydralisk was once voted the unfunniest Zerg of all, which caused a brief but lasting rebellion. A second voting of the unfunniest Zerg didn't happen to avoid the Hydralisks not getting the joke.

**9. **Some people actually think the Zerg are _cute._

**10.** Do not expect the Queens' TLC to be nice, they just spit Transfusion on you.

**11.** The Zerg have so many units that they have their own symphony orchestra. Their most famous performance to date is in front of 50 captured Dominion soldiers of the piece 'Night under Slime Mountain' featuring Ollie the Overlord on vuvuzelas. All soldiers bled to death with joy.

**12.** Ultralisks are actually made to be stupid to maximize the impact on structures. As a bonus benefit, they are now stupid enough to avoid head-butting as a cool way to greet others. (Author's note: the latest patch shows they do not head butt structures anymore, sadly. Now they high-five)

**13.** If you think an Infestor looks like a Reaver, that explains why an Infestor can lob Infested Terrans.

**14.** Zerg culture is becoming an increasing trend on Korhal IV youth, where they have spiky accessories, a tendency to be weaker in smaller numbers, and marking their territory with their 'Creep', dyed purple of course.

**15.** The Changeling makes for great actors, and with enough Overseers, Kerrigan can watch her own version of _How I met Your Brood-Mother_. Still sucks to see the Changelings expire on stage however.

**16.** Easiest Zerg to give psychiatric treatment: Queens, because they actually think. Hardest Zerg to give psychiatric treatment: Banelings, for obvious reasons.

**17.** The Zerg are so efficient at mass reproduction that they mass produce their own merchandise for the Korhal youth. Kerrigan discovers this is another efficient way to gain minerals, but not gas. The biggest seller: The Overlord Creep Pistol that fires authentic Creep.

**18.** While units typically do not receive funerals, sometimes important structures such as the Hive or Ultralisk Cavern do. It usually commences with the eating of its flesh by its children, accompanied by the sad funeral anthem played by Ollie the OverLord on Vuvuzelas and the Queenie the Queen on screeches, 'Once Stood Tall, Now Proudly Eaten'

**19.** Roaches speak of a Special Roach that actually lives in a Roach Warren. Most Roaches never really know the truth as they are born from a Hatchery, not the Roach Warren.

**20.** Kerrigan favourite Zerg pet: Zerglings, for they come in pairs, so during lunch, she can cuddle the first one, eat the second one, eat the first one for dinner, and have a new pair instantly hatched to make a comfy makeshift bed. Her least favourite Zerg pet: the Overseer, she doesn't like the way its eyes leer at her, sometimes even winking. In spite of its increased speed and abilities, that's why you only see two Overseers in a single battle. The Medivacs will agree the same when they fly pass them.

And that's it for the Zerg, and from the Medivacs as the last unit mentioned in this post, we shall move on to the Almighty Terran!


	2. The Almighty Terran!

Hey guys, Boom Tome here! The Almighty Terran has arrived! Enjoy!

**1.** SCVS feels threatened by the MULEs. There's an urban legend goin' 'round that they mutter to the SCVs, "No Dr. Bowman, _you_ open the pod bay doors,"

**2. **Reapers do not get stim packs. There was once an experiment to utilize stim packs on them in the Reaper Corps, but the most notable attribute changed was their speech, "-" No one could understand how they could speak text-face coherently. (Author's note: Got a confession, I wanted them to speak super-fast as if they were on coffee but I don't think I can do that anymore. It left a funny face however, so I'm cool.)

**3. **No one was suspicious that Tychus was always stuck in his suit because there is a built-in toilet (that generates fuel) and air-conditioning (for the sweat), so everyone just thought he felt more at home inside.

**4. **Thor pilots have their own Arnold Schwarzenegger fan club, complete with all the Arnie movies and authentic muscle suits. People still ask them sometimes if they're fans of Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead**.**

**5. **Some of the crew members that defected from Raynor's Hyperion were disappointed to find out that not all Battlecruisers come with their own jukebox. So they will have to settle for Sweet Home Alabama (located on Korhal II) on more technologically advanced devices.

**6. **Rory Swann has no idea why he calls Raynor a cowboy. He doesn't know what a cow looks like.

**7. **The Adjutant is used to Terran males making lewd remarks to her. She understands that it is due to their jutting sexual organ, hormonal overdose on testosterone (especially the Maruders) and the film genre called 'porn'. She suspects some females have a jutting sexual organ and hormonal overdose on testosterone as well.

**8. **The Ghosts are extremely glad that they already come with ocular implants, so that means calling down the thunder' does not guarantee having to 'deal with the whirlwind'.

**9. **The Terrans thought they were very shrewd in having almost all of their aircrafts equipped with special abilities like cloaking and the famous Yamato Cannon. The Protoss already have the High Templar Feedback from the get-go.

**10. **"I don't have to shoot ya', I can just run you over!" Siege tank operators are constantly perplexed at why they can never seem to run things over.

**11. **Also, siege tank operators miss the days when the Protoss Dragoons were easy pickings. Its lighter cousin the Stalkers would just Blink away or even Blink right next to it. The first rule of the Immortals is to not talk about the Immortals.

**12. **Siege tanks have two modes because if it only had the assault mode, the Colossi will chew them up with their superior range and if it only had siege mode, it couldn't even commit suicide were they to be overrun by Melee enemies, as the siege turret _is unable to point straight up._

**13. **Some humans can't dance as well as the Thor, who can do a mean robot.

**14. **Some humans join the Terrans simply because _there are humans in it._

**15. **When there are special occasions such as Christmas or April Fools, the red exclamation marks from the Sensor Towers can be altered into different markers such as a red Christmas tree or a smiley face. Altering it to make symbols of nuclear launches is severely frowned upon.

**16. **The bunker's economical salvage ability can be done without exploding it, but salvaging it with a small explosion provides the infantry with some light entertainment to boost their fighting spirit.

**17. **Viking trainees first learn to fly before they walk first. The walking part in combat usually yields a higher death rate.

**18. **Raynor was once balding, but after the Brood Wars he got hairier to fit with his emo state. (Author's note: He always did seem like he was balding in Starcraft 1, right?)

**19. **Building racing is a proud tradition of the Terrans that they try their best to hide from the Zerg and Protoss, out of fear of being mocked. The most popular type of building racing would be Starport racing, as it sort of has that look of exciting and adrenaline, perhaps-maybe. The Terrans are very traditional.

**20. **There is a high percentage of males who date female Ghosts losing their virginity, and the thing that they use to lose their virginity. Females who date male Ghosts also lose their virginity, but they got nothing to lose, except when they're not using safety gear.

**21. **'I'm the queen ***** of the universe,' is a commonly used catchphrase amongst ultra-feminists, especially amongst the Korhal youth interested in Zerg culture.

That's all for the Terran! Hope to hear review from you guys, I'm a feedback whore so show me what you got people! Next will be my personal favourite, the Protoss! And as a bonus, in the 3rd chapter I will let you in on a little secret project I hope to write for you guys (Hint: if you look at my profile you can guess which 'show' I'll be fanfic writing on)! Stay tuned!


	3. The Almighty Protoss!

The Almighty Protoss!

The final chapter! I did this project with a more stream-of-consciousness method, so my apologies if there seem to be too many things about the Dark Templar. They are my favourite units after all. Overall, it's interesting how the Zerg was easy to see them as a whole and write about their unit quirks. Whereas with the Terran it was more about human quirks; Protoss on the other hand, is unique thanks to the Dark-Light dynamics they have going and it's reflected in its lore. Enjoy!

**1. **The Colossi's motor skills are so good there has never been a case of any Zealots being impaled by one of its long pointy legs.

**2. **Dark Templars hate to be used as the last resort unit when the opponent is about to crush their base.

**3. **Because the Nerazim (Dark Templar collective) are not connected to the Khala and therefore do not share a collective empathy with other Protoss, they tend to be more emo. A common trend for young Nerazim is wearing eyeliner and extra dark, extra tattered robes.

**4. **The Phoenix's awesome acrobatics can be so awesome to look at that the opponents will stare at them, thinking, "Awesome…" while other awesome units kill them as they're being distracted.

**5. **The Protoss majority think that mouths are highly impractical, as the fighting Protoss often see that what goes in, may also come out, such as Overlord Creep or when too many Interceptors fly around and make everything dizzy.

**6. **The Protoss might show respect for their fellow psychics the Ghosts, but they wouldn't stop their damn EMPS on the Protoss.

**7. **Novice Zealots sometimes have trouble when they receive their Charge upgrade. They run so fast that they end up slamming into their opponents, fortunately usually knocking out the opponents.

**8. **Artanis always wonders why older Protoss (and that's most of the Protoss) sometimes pet his head with affection. He is easily provoked to say, "_Die! Die! DIE!_" but at least he does not mention that '_it's not in 3D!' _anymore.

**9. **Saying things such as, "We shall shine through the Void!" is becoming increasingly awkward as more Nerazim units are involved in the war, such as Stalkers and Void Rays.

**10. **As a step forward to decrease prejudice from the Khalai to the Nerazim and vice versa, the Dark Templar are given the knowledge on how to merge into Archons. High Templars still find merging into Dark Archons repulsive, so it is only fair that the Protoss Protectorate not allow the Dark Templar to merge into them either. The step forward to decrease the _current_ prejudice is still ongoing.

**11. **Marines will collectively agree that the Void Ray's Prismatic Beam is the worst way to go. At first, the beam barely does anything to their armour, but when it's charged, that's when the screaming starts and the pinpoint-individual roasting begins.

**12. **Besides the successful Protoss-Raynor 'alliance', there has been an isolated and successful case of a High Templar willing to help a stranded Terran colony by using Psi Storm to power up their juice-less ship. The High Templar refused to merge with the Khala to further comment.

**13. **A Zealot once stuck his hand in a Sentry's energy core. They had to use a Colossus to repeatedly impale him to get him out of his Force Field stasis.

**14. **"We destroy," The Mothership's Purifier Beams are named so as it is an honour to be 'purified' by the Mothership, in preparation for everything else to actually kill it properly.

**15. **The enemy feels cleaner after a few shots of the Purifier Beam.

**16. **The Mothership does not like being called an oversized Arbiter. It firmly believes it's slightly more useful than one.

**17. **The Immortal harkens a new age of Protoss sense of humour thanks to an installed in-tank goldfish nicknamed Herbie to keep the usually geriatric Immortals company. It spawned the infinitely quotable, "The first thing to go shall _not_ be Herbie!"

**18. **The Protoss are very handicap friendly, except for Nerazim who cut off their nerve appendages.

**19. **When some dared to communicate via telepathy to some Terran females that had 'nerve appendages' like them, they were affronted by longing looks of lust and images that seem to be straight out of a steamy Dark Templar romance novel, such as _The Protoss vs. Lagrass of the Flint _and _Psiboy Magazine._

**20. **Zeratul is so badass _he killed his own Matriarch to save her life and every Protoss agreed it was the honourable way to let her go._

That's it for this series guys! Thanks for all the views!

But for my next project that probably won't come as soon as this final chapter, as it would be a narrative multi-chapter tale that -gasp! - Not Starcraft! Instead, it will be from one of my favourite animated series, _My Life as a Teenage Robot_.

I will be the first to tell you it's not a perfect series, but it really is fascinating to see how 'realistic' the title character, Jenny, a.k.a XJ-9 is at being a teenage robot, being built by her 'mom' and all. As a sneak peek, here is the synopsis of _I am XJ-10._

'When Mrs. Wakeman finally confesses to Jenny that she is designing a new Global Response Unit, Jenny was preparing for the worst. But what she wasn't expecting was that XJ-10 is also XJ-9.'

This is the project I'm working on now, but I very probably will work on a Starcraft narrative hopefully in the near future. And I quote the famous Starcraft commentator, HuskyStarcraft, "And I'll see you guuuuys, _next time_!"


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